God's Calling.....

For the past 3-3 1/2 years I have had the feeling that God is not finished with our family.  You would think after God surprised us with Owen that I would've felt we had "more than enough"....we already had one more child than Wade & I were ever planning on having, so how in the world could I be thinking that God had more in store for us?  I would mention this to Wade every few months or so and Wade usually responded by implying I was absoutely crazy.  :)   So, we went ahead and did the procedure we had already had done once to ensure that our family was complete. Surely this would make me feel that God was finished adding to our family~I begged God to take this feeling away, and of course it did go away, for awhile. Then some more time would pass and that feeling that God was not finished would come back, so again, I'd say something to Wade and now he REALLY looked at me like I was crazy!  :)  He just kept telling me that as our kids got older he was sure I would realize our family was complete.  So, I would pray, and beg, and plead with God some more to just take it away, and again, it would go away for a little while.  Do you see a cycle here? 

Fast forward to about a year and a half ago...we had just relocated our family, were busy trying to adjust to a new town, a new Church, new friends, new jobs, etc. and yet, there was this constant feeling that God simply was not finished.  Around this same time God was also placing thoughts of adoption in with that feeling.   I secretly would talk to a few people I knew that had adopted just to get their feelings/input on everything adoption entails, and then I'd just ponder all of that info.  Last November I asked Wade if he would ever consider adopting and surprisingly, his answer was "yes."  Well~that was all I needed to hear!  :)  I started researching agencies, stalking adoption blogs, secretly talked to people again and got all the info I could, told Wade I was ready and his answer was "no."  We"ll just say I was not impressed.  I felt like God had finally shown me WHY he had placed this feeling in my heart, and now the answer is NO?  Seriously.   (Remember, I am a spoiled youngest child, so hearing "no" doesn't always sit well with me!)  :) 

Remember that cycle I talked about in the first paragraph?  It started all over again, only now I would BEG God to take away the desire to adopt.  He would for a few months and then it would come back again.  I'd mention it again to Wade and again, his answer was no.  More begging God, more of Wade saying no, more begging God, more of Wade saying no~you get the picture.  And yet, all that time that I was so very patiently waiting for God to change Wade's heart, He was really changing mine.   Changing my heart from being so focused on adopting a baby, to looking at the many "older" children needing families.  Changing my heart from wanting this "perfect" little baby to considering being open to special needs.  Changing my heart from hearing about the orphan crisis and forgetting about the orphan crisis all in a matter of a few seconds, to literally breaking my heart for these sweet "babies" who do not have a Mom, or Dad, or brothers, or sisters, or anyone to call their own.

And so, about 3 months ago I was completely frustrated and told God that I was done.  Wade kept saying no and I was sick of it.  I wasn't going to think about adoption, talk to anyone about adoption anymore, read any blogs, look at any agencies....NOTHING.  I was DONE.  God could take that and do with it what He wanted, but I was DONE.  So, in true God fashion....he didn't let me ignore adoption.  He dropped it in my lap every single day for over a week (probably helped this was during November~hello, National ADOPTION month!)...whether it was a commerical on the radio, a conversation with someone at work, or a lady stopping by to pick up clothes we were donating to an orphanage in Haiti and making Wade be the one to have to talk to her because I got a phone call the exact time she pulled up to our house....God didn't let me be done....instead, He got my attention in a big way, pushing me to once again talk to Wade about this.

 The next week I handed Wade the computer for him to use and left the webpage open to a blog about a foster home in China  (while I was determined not to "nag" Wade about adoption, I certainly was not subtle about leaving hints!)  :)  A few minutes later I looked over at him and he had the strangest look on his face.  I asked him what was going on and he just looked at me and said "We need to do this."  Oh my word~I could not believe it!!!  God had finally brought both of our hearts to the same place.  All these days and weeks and months and YEARS of praying and Wade & I were FINALLY on the same page! 

The very next day I was back to researching agencies...thankfully I already had it narrowed down to 3!  After a little more research, we sent in our application on December 21 and a few weeks later were approved to move forward, and shortly after that we were officially accepted into our Agency's China program!  Let the paper-chasing begin!!!!

There is so much more to this story about how God brought our hearts to this point, but I think I've written enough.  For now, we just ask for your prayers as move forward in this process to bring home our "baby" from China.  This is a HUGE step of faith for us and there is so much more I will write about that on a different day, but for today~this is enough.  Sharing with you that our FIFTH blessing from God has been "Born in our Hearts".